How Do I Get ‘Better’ at Steady Boundaries?

“Strong Back, Soft Front”

- did my therapist first say this? Which therapist? What year was it?

All I know is that it stuck. Wisdom is not meant to be held tightly. No one owns the wisdom in words strung together. The sentiments must be passed on, down and through our hearts. The wisdom is meant to be shared.

Over the last while, I’ve been reflecting on the insights that boundaries (or lack there of) have for us. I tend to get so open & giving but can just as easily turn quiet, closed & hard. How do I hold the balance? How do I get ‘better’ at steady boundaries? Over the years and certainly as of late, my boundaries have been prodded, stretched and ignored (mostly by me, my wounds, my ego). An outpouring of wisdom.

A boundary isn't just a line we draw then fiercely protect but is - “The distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously”.

I’m getting clearer on how best to love varying personalities - as well as who I am for and who I am not. My inner 'worn out' voices are slow to catch up. They battle with the new limits imposed. They resist the boundaries that are mainly for them (boundaries which, at the root, are an act of great love).

Love, in this way, looks like anchoring into my intuition + my own body as others listen to theirs. Boundaried love is accepting our differences. Giving others permission to choose their path, as well as myself, is caring. Feeling strong in the back, centred within and loving in the heart will look different outwardly depending upon who’s in the room or what thought is rearing its head.

As for balance? That’s it. Letting the boundaries fluctuate and be redefined constantly. Not to protect myself, but to remain more loving. And of course as it happens, this theme is all too relevant for many clients right now too -- how to stay the path, how to love those who want too much, how to respect differences, how to love self the most.

I pass on what was passed down to me, “Strong back, Soft front”. A wise teaching in love for self and all of us.

In this balance, I know that who & what is right for us is found in embodying such simple wisdom.